Ruins in the Dark

And We Have Light!!

2009-09-04T20:28:00.000-07:00

FINALLY!! Something is accomplished! I know this seems like a minor detail but, I assure you, it was not. You don't even know the drama that had to unfold for this light fixture to make its way onto our wall. The arguing! The slamming down of objects (by me, naturally)! The screeching out of the driveway, swearing never to EVER EVER EVER return (me again)! Here's a brief transcription of the evening. Take notes and BURN THEM INTO YOUR MEMORY! Be ye not so stupid! (Not that I'm calling you stupid, Ryan. I'm calling us stupid. Because we fought over a light fixture! But, for the record, I was RIGHT!! Ok, you can punch me in the arm for that. Can't help it, you know I have to have the last word.)

Me (to Ryan while he's trying to straighten the light): Um....maybe you should measure the distance from the ceiling so it's straight.

Ryan: It's straight.

Me: But....shouldn't we use a level or something?

Ryan: Well, if you think it's crooked when I'm done, I'll take it down and do it over again. I guess.

*Fixture is secured to wall*

Me: Ehh....it looks crooked.

Ryan: Of course you think it looks crooked, because you didn't see me use a level.

At which point I straighten it, drop a string of F-Bombs while he ignores me, and storm out of the house. True story. I thought that, if our relationship can survive this bathroom project, it can survive anything. But.....I don't know.....we're fighting over light fixtures! This does not bode well for our future. I mean, Imagine the blow up we're going to have when I want to raise our cats in the Jewish faith and he wants some crazy fairy religion.

Come on....fairies?

Bad Ideas For You to Learn From

2009-09-03T13:56:00.000-07:00

Here I sit. Home. On a Wednesday....wait....Thursday? Anyway, some day of the week when I should be at work but am, instead, doped up on Vicodin and (hopefully) recovering from complete extraction of my wisdom.

Teeth.

So, in my current state of boredom and fuzzy-mindedness, I decided to PUT TOGETHER THE VANITY FOR THE BATHROOM!!! YESSSSSSSS!!!! (Hear that noise? That's the screeching from Ryan's tires, on his way home to rip the drill out of my shaky little hands. Too late, special friend! The damage is done! HA!) And sweet baby jesus, what have I gotten myself into?!? Take my advise, DO NOT attempt to follow wordless instructions while under the influence! Bad and wrong and wrong and bad!! Behold my living room:

I promise you that you will lose interest about halfway through and, instead, turn your attention to The Real World: Cancun, where Bronnie is comparing Emilie and Aiiiya to Hitler. And why do you spell your name with three i's anyway?? I can't even pronounce that so your new name is now Dummy McGee.

I also promise you that you will end up with parts that seem to not have a place:

Ikea....why don't you just have words in your instructions? Your pictures don't help me! The guy with the sad face in the front of the instruction booklet? What is that? Some kind of warning? Like "You will want to take your own life by the time you get this all put together. We recommend having someone in the home who knows CPR."

But wait, what's this about Ikea? What happened to putting "nicer" stuff into this bathroom? Funny story. See, in our quest to find a vanity that had a decent amount of storage, we found ourselves at Menards, staring at the only thing that (we thought) would fit into our bathroom. So we went ahead and ordered it. I would've preferred to buy from someplace else but, seriously, I looked everywhere with zero success and this piece was actually really nice and exactly what we were looking for. Now, about a week after ordering it, we realized that it was probably a little too big for the space and went back to the store to see if we could cancel the order. They said no. That is was too late to cancel. And you know what else? THEY WON'T EVEN REFUND THE PURCHASE!!! We HAVE to take it home because they "just don't have the space in the store to refund a purchase like that." You should know that this is the largest home improvement store I have ever seen in all my life. You can't just stick it in a corner somewhere? Put it out on display? Nope! Oh, but they did have a helpful suggestion for us. Craigslist. Yeah, a retail giant refused to give us a refund and instead suggested that we put their product on Craigslist. Awesome plan! It's not everyday that you get to throw $500 in the garbage can! Feels great! So now we are the proud owners of an expensive vanity (with no counter top, by the way. Sold separately!) that'll spend it's days in the basement, and a super cheap Ikea creation that will be mocking me every time I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth.

Sa-weet!

*disclaimer: My brain is mush at the moment. Reading this may make you stupid. I probably should've put this at the beginning. My bad.

Haiku Friday

2009-08-21T23:47:00.000-07:00

This Haiku is dedicated to the people who have their rear view mirrors permanently tilted so they can constantly see themselves in them without having to go through the hassle of moving their (gigantic) heads.

Why do you do that?! These mirrors are named so that you know EXACTLY what purpose they serve. There's a reason they aren't called "Cold Sore View Mirrors". Or "Look-At-Your-Ugly-Mug mirrors". Or even "Mirrors to Assist You in Your Efforts to Drain an Entire Can of Hairspray in one Day".

No, they exist so that, when people get too close, one has the opportunity to send a nasty look to go along with that middle finger. Am I right or am I right? So, yeah, happy Haiku Friday.

Brushing your rat's nest
Stealing glances of yourself
You still look like crap

Does This Shirt Make Me Look Terrified?

2009-08-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

Hands shaking. Knees knocking. I can barely say my own name. Checking in at the State Penn?

Nope.

New student orientation. In the time it takes to walk from my car to the building where I am to figure out my new life as "student-not-employee", my guts are reduced to the same guts I had when I was a four-year-old staring at my first day of kindergarten.

Why am I all sweaty?
Why won't anyone sit next to me? (Because I'm all sweaty?)
Most importantly, Am I the oldest person in this room? My god....I think I am! I am THE OLDEST PERSON IN THIS ROOM!!!

Hey! There's my old friend! Meet Social Anxiety. I call him 'SA' for short (for the obvious reason, sure, but also because he is a Mexican gangsta). I am SO AWKWARD!! Seriously, if you ever need to find me in a large group of people I don't know very well, just follow the stuttering.

So, yeah, anyway! I'm all registered! I assumed my first semester was going to be all super fun, awesome, interesting classes. Wrong-O! Because, when you register this late, all the fun classes are full. I know! Who knew? I did end up with a class called "History of Rock n Roll through the 1970's". Hmmm...this could be an interesting one. Better stock up on the patchouli oil.

Or, I could always just scrap the whole thing and see if MTV can make me into a beat boxer.

What The.....

2009-08-13T15:06:00.001-07:00

I woke up one morning and went into the bathroom just to check things out, I guess. See if Ryan had done anything new that I didn't know about. This, to my HORROR, is what I found:

This project just got a whooooole lot suckier.

Granted, I was never a fan of the powder blue paint in there and planned on another color anyway but.....I guess my plan was to paint OVER it. Not spend the next two weeks scraping every last bit of it off the wall. He said he had to do it because it was all cracked and peeling anyway. But....but....why? Whyyyeeeeee?!? He may be right, that this was the way it had to be done.

BUT I DOUBT IT!!!

Luckily, he's done most of the work of stripping paint off the walls. I have my doubts about it coming out smooth and even. I just have to say, though, if this doesn't come out right, I'M LEAVING!!!

Oh, also, our dishwasher is, apparently, broken as it just kept filling up with water and didn't stop until it overflowed, sending water onto the floor in the kitchen. Which wouldn't have been such a big deal. Just mop it up, right? No, the problem was with the water also gushing through the floor, and into the basement. But of course! WHY WOULDN'T IT DO THAT?? All is not right unless the universe is showing me just how easily it can jack my shit up.

Universe, don't make my cut you.

2009-08-07T13:38:00.000-07:00

Top dome of the Marjorie McNeely Conservatory
St Paul

Let the Headache Begin!

2009-08-07T13:01:00.000-07:00

Tired of cleaning the litter box, Ryan and I decided to just remove the toilet and have the cats use the new hole in the ground. Here, Celia shows Echo how it's done.

For reals, here's how this bathroom remodel all transpired: Ryan was down in the basement room where he has all of his tools and what not, when I flush the toilet above him and the ceiling starts dripping. AWESOME!! So he figured that we'd have to replace the wax seal and that would be that.

THEN.....

He decided to just buy a new toilet because he didn't like the one we have. And I'm all, "whatevs, fine with me."

THEN.....

Upon ripping out the toilet, some of the crappy linoleum gets damaged (surprise surprise) and there was water damage below it anyway so we decide to just redo the whole damn bathroom. Yay! And I was pretty excited about it, too! New bathroom! It'll be so much FUN! Our first big project together! And, admittedly, I'm still somewhat excited about it. But the magnitude of the whole thing is starting to weigh on me. We figured that, since it's a small bathroom, we'd be able to do it up right, with nice fixtures and everything without it getting very expensive. I'm slowly realizing, though, that no matter how much money we throw at it, it's still requiring a lot of work to find nice things that are small enough for the space.

The requirements are as follows:

1. A somewhat high efficiency toilet.

2. Tile that's NOT linoleum but something that we won't mind ripping up again in the future (we aren't touching the tub/shower at this point but plan to sometime in the future.)

3. A vanity with some storage. As much as possible. Please.

4. The previous owners gave zero thought to quality when the purchased fixtures for this house and everything was done on the (super) cheap. Don't be like that.

Another Room Down.....A Bunch More to Go

2009-08-06T12:54:00.001-07:00

The kitchen is finished! Actually, it's been finished for little while but the pictures were previously stuck on Ryan's laptop and I hate booting this thing up. Here you are:

Beforesies

Finished Product (click here to see more)

This kitchen was a long and frustrating process. I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out though. The teal (NOT blue) walls are my favorite part, I think. However, I think my collection of teal things has reached critical mass. (The critical mass required for Ryan to start thinking of somewhere else to live just to get away from all the teal.) The amount of storage in this kitchen is SO limited that we had to get kind of creative about where to put things. We put up the shelves on the wall for the dishes and bought a separate cabinet (the tall white one) for food and then put together the sweet sweet spice rack to clear up space in the one (yeah, ONE!) full sized overhead cabinet. I'm starting to regret not buying a house with a dining room (I figured we didn't need one. Dumb.) because we have a really cool antique dining room table that Ryan's mom gave us when we lived in the apartment but the eat-in kitchen serves it's purpose for now.

Our next project, which has already begun, is the bathroom on the main level. Stay tuned as it should be interesting considering it's a project we never intended to take on anytime soon and neither of us has ever installed tile before. Hilarious, right? No.

2009-07-14T12:12:00.000-07:00

Blue Mounds State Park, western Minnesota

On how to be a millionaire.

2009-07-13T13:16:00.000-07:00

Step One: Don't work at Sunshine Foods in Sioux Falls South Dakota.

I got a statement of sorts in the mail today showing my "Estimated Social Security Benefits" that I will be getting (yeah right) when I retire (100 years from now). What I found interesting about this statement (other than the fact that, like who do you guys think you're fooling here? You say Social Security will be around for my generation but you are a bunch of lying liars!) is the nice little chart they have, detailing all the money I have ever made. Ever! In my whole life! With the exception of all that money I made babysitting from the ages of 10-13. The government got no part of that massive pile of cash! Luckily, the only person who can attest to my earnings from that period is the ice cream man, and I'm sure he's long gone. But, back to the matter of this chart...

When I got my first job (bagging groceries!!) I could have sworn that I was the absolute richest person I knew! I mean, if I wanted to, I could walk my 14 year old self right up to the ShopKo and buy as many Bonne Bell flavored chapsticks as my little heart desired! (and I totally did.) Then they "promoted" me to cashier and I was all, LOOK OUT! I have a checking account and I'm not afraid to use it! But looking back at this chart makes me feel sorry for that little 14 year old girl (and not because she had the body of a 13 year old boy, either. That's a different therapy session entirely.) Did I really only make a whopping $2,065 that year? I felt so rich! And the following year, when I moved down the street and started working at, yes, the ShopKo, I made even less! How did I even have to pay taxes back then? More importantly, how much of that money did I throw away on Bonne Bell flavored chapsticks? I'd be willing to bet it was a substantial amount given the fact that I remember having to go out and buy a Caboodles make-up case (remember those?) just to house them all.

This is all kind of interesting to me because things are about to change for me a whole lot in the very near future. I'm quitting my super stable and, if we're being honest here, pretty high paying job to go back to school this fall. Pulling the old career switcheroo. And it's got me a little nervous (Ryan will tell you that's the understatement of the year). Will I go back to making only a few thousand a year when I'm in school? Uh...what's minimum wage now anyway? Because, yo, I have a mortgage. And two cats that get VERY! ANNOYED! when they don't get their meals in a timely manor. Will I survive not shopping everyday? Someone please remind me why I'm doing all this!

So, in conclusion, if you see me bagging at your local grocery store, be kind. And hey, maybe flip me a couple bucks for a new tube of Bonne Bell flavored chapstick. Because god knows I won't be able to afford to buy my own this time around.

Haiku Friday. On Saturday.

2009-06-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

I'm alive! I've just been really busy this past month. I swear, it won't happen again. Since the last time I posted, I've either been out of town, on call, had people visiting, or recovering from the darkest depression that followed my grandpa's death. There was also an awesome bout of tendonitis that prevented me from doing much with my right hand for the better part of a couple weeks.

But I'm back, biotch. And to celebrate, I'm going to kick it gangsta style (as I'm known to do, yo) and write you a little Haiku to cheer up your day. (And every Friday for the rest of eternity. Or until I run out of snarky things to say.) For the record, I meant to start "Haiku Tuesday" but got lazy. So now it has to be "Haiku Friday". Even though today is Saturday. Next time I'll actually put it up ON FRIDAY though. Swearsies.

Today's haiku is inspired by the boxing gym I go to because, as much as I love going there, I'm in a lot of pain today because of that god forsaken place and it's all I can think about. heh. It's all their fault. Yep, I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I haven't been to the gym in almost a month and my muscles have reverted back to their natural pudding-like state. mmmmm....pudding.

yeah, here you go. This one is titled "Water boarding doesn't sound so bad right now"

Face is melting. HOT!
Sweet Jesus, no more burpees.
What died on this mat?

"Cyclist crushed near downtown Minneapolis"

2009-05-20T14:57:00.000-07:00

Minneapolis is a city where a lot of people bike to get around. (Bike as in bicycle. You know, that thing with the pedals and the chain? You know what I'm talking about.) And, despite the frigid temps during the winter, we actually have a LOT of people who bike all year long. So it's really shocking to me when things like this happen (and it happens a lot).

I've always felt safest when biking downtown because there are bike lanes, the speed limits are generally slower, and there are cyclists EVERYWHERE. In fact, Park Avenue (where this guy was killed) is the street I took on my commute when I lived in Northeast and I loved biking there because it just felt safer than other parts of the city (*cough* Assaultway. I mean, Greenway). How do you live in Minneapolis and not routinely keep an eye out for cyclists while you're driving? Especially when you're operating a vehicle that is capable of such devastating accidents, even at low speeds.

I think we can all take a lesson from this tragedy. Get off your cell phone, put down the burrito (or cup of yogurt like I saw one woman eating. WHILE DRIVING.) and take a moment to become a little more aware of your surroundings every now and again.

God's going to smite me for this one.

2009-05-09T08:01:00.001-07:00

I bought this house in May. Through all the painting, arranging furniture, and not having a slumlord to call when the sink explodes, something hasn't felt quite....real. I hadn't had The Moment. The one where I'm all, "Sweet baby jesus, I Own A House." (Maybe because I don't write out the mortgage check?) Today was the day though. I was sitting on the couch watching Taking the Stage on MTV (I know, it doesn't get much worse than a 26 year old watching a show about children 10 years younger than her) and thinking about what project I'm going to try and tackle today, aside from holding down the couch with my bum, and I got a knock at the door. My first Jehova's Witness! That was my big homeowner moment. Is it wrong that I hid from it? I heard them knock, looked out the window (which, I should mention, is right next to the front door) and ducked down. I'm sure they saw me sitting here as they walked up the steps. But you know what? It's Saturday. I'm on call this weekend. Echo the cat just threw up on the floor (again). I'm just not in the mood to get onto a religious argument.

Could I have just answered the door and turned them away with a polite "no thank you"? Sure, probably. Except this is me we're talking about. My "No thank you" would've involved a few F-bombs and a three-snaps-up. Can't help it. I get offended easily and when that happens I turn into Ghetto Barbie.

Although, maybe I could've convinced them to stick around and help clean up the cat vomit. You know, just to see how a Jehova's Witness does it.

Dear Chester the Squirrel

2009-05-05T17:37:00.000-07:00

Please stop digging up our garden. This is my first garden and I'm trying my best to make it work. Those seeds that you're digging up and eating? Yeah, they'd eventually turn into melons. And I bet they'll taste a whoooole lot better after they've had a chance to grow. I swear I'll share them with you if you leave them alone. See, Chester, we're new to this neighborhood and I'm trying to impress the neighbors. When I was outside the other day and one of them said, "Whatcha growing?" and I told them all the stuff we had, she sounded interested! With maybe a hint of relief in her voice! Like she was excited about the prospect of having neighbors who are raising scrumptious food for hungry bellies instead of a gaggle of heathen children. How am I supposed to impress them if all I end up with at the end of the season is a dirt garden? Something tells me they won't accept a pie I made out of mud and twigs because, oops, the rodents ate everything else. Or maybe they'll accept it just to be polite and then turn around and call social services on me because WHAT SANE PERSON MAKES PIES OUT OF MUD?!

I understand there are, like, a million of you squirrels running around and you have to take the food whenever you can get it but come on! There is a pizza shop a mere two doors down! There's got to be food galore if you just hop (scamper?) you little asses down the alley! My theory, though, is that you know there's food down there. Which means that you're just tearing up my new garden to be a jerk. I don't appreciate that, Chester. And you better watch it, because I have no problem punching a squirrel.

And what the hell kind of name is 'Chester' anyway?

Love always,
The lady.

Rookie Mistakes: Episode 16

2009-04-28T13:20:00.000-07:00

#$*$%@$*

See that? Mama's mad.

For the past couple of months, I've been getting notices in the mail from the electric company stating that, if I don't pay them, they are going to turn off the electricity in our old apartment. The one we haven't lived in since last may. So, in typical 'me' fashion, I ignored them because pfft, what do I care if the electricity gets turned off there?! Ok, wait, I am not a deadbeat. I pay my bills. You want to know who is a deadbeat? The owner of 2520 Polk LLC and his stupid wife. These are our old slumlords. They must have *forgotten* to put the electricity back in their name and decided to just not say anything when they didn't start getting electric bills after we moved out. So I called the electric company today to tell them to suck it, and the asshat who answered said that it was my responsibility to take our names off of that account after we moved out. What the hell?! I've NEVER had to do that before! In every apartment I've ever lived in, the owners have made the switch when we moved in and when we moved out. And this girl's all, "Oh, well, I've never heard of that too much." First of all, what?! Was that a sentence you just tried to make? Did you have a seizure in the middle of your thought process? THAT MADE NO SENSE!! Secondly, the reason you have probably "never heard of that too much" is that you and your 7 children (all from different men, naturally) still live with your mom and her third husband, Buddy, and have probably never lived on your own before.

So, ok, maybe that is how the world operates, and I should've known better, even though every experience I've ever had has been to the contrary. But you, ya jerk, could make the situation a little better by brushing up on your verbal skills. Crack a book every once in awhile. Take a night class. Use yer brain, lady! Be careful not to squish the pea.

Should I avoid taking my frustrations out on her and focus them, instead, on the slumlords? Yeah, probably. But, since she'll probably never read this (unless someone reads it to her illiterate ass) I'm not feeling too remorseful. Plus, I've already spent too large a portion of my life stewing over the shenanigans of the owners of our old apartment. Like the time they refused to fix the boiler. In the middle of winter. For three weeks. Or the time they decided to stop mowing the lawn and then took the lawn mower away when someone in the building dedided to take it upon themselves to mow it. (Was that you, Clay?) I could go on and on. Like when they cut holes in the floors and ceilings (that they never fixed) that allowed us to see into our upstairs neighbor's bedroom. Awesome! No, I'm not going to be mad at them anymore. We'll probably end up paying the $200 or so that is owed on the account and just chalk it up to a lesson learned.

Plus, I'm pretty sure they are in forclosure on that property, anyway, and I take a small amount of comfort in the fact that they won't be owning any more properties for a long time. And they'll probably get divorced. And I'll run into him selling his body on the street. HA!

Officially Smitten

2009-04-24T15:05:00.001-07:00

Dear Yes To Carrots,
I love You. Will you marry me? Oh, you have a girlfriend? It's ok! I have a boyfriend! We could be one big happy family! I swear they won't mind.

So, last Saturday was record store day, did you know that? It also turned out to be the best damn day EVER! Guess what was waiting for me in the mailbox shortly after waking up? (Yeah, I wake up late on weekends. So what?) A whole lotta love from my favorite company, Yes To Carrots. What you see above is their brand new line of lip products (spilling out of the sweetest little makeup bag, given to me by Ryan's brother and his lovely wife a couple years ago for Christmas). I've been using them all week, both the lip tints and the lip glosses, and I gotta say, they are awesome. I thought I would be stuck living the rest of my life using only chapstick (blech!) because most makeup, especially lipstick, makes me sick or gives me a headache (from the smell, maybe?) but these are totally different. They are a little minty and not at all greasy or sticky, like most lip gloss tends to be. Plus, their products are all organic (containing ingredients that you can actually pronounce *gasp*) and are not tested on animals which almost makes up for my animal murdering ways, right? RIGHT?!

aaaanyway, this stuff is the bee's effin' knees, friends. And, at this point, I'm ready to start a religion based on this company. I would gnaw off my own arm if they asked me to. Er, um, maybe that's going a little far. I would, however, take their weird, socially awkward older brother on a date. You know, just as a favor or whatever. (But, yo, somebody tell that little perv what "second base" means this time, ok?)

what?!

What the Deuce?!

2009-04-17T05:17:00.001-07:00

How long have my albums on the right said "Japan 2008"?!? That will be fixed after work.

Can't.....Breathe.....Too.......Excited!!

2009-04-13T16:59:00.001-07:00

So yesterday was Easter. Woo. I effin' hate holidays. I spent entirely too much time trying to find something, please dear god anything, that was open because the thought of sitting at home all day just waiting to get called in to work was giving me thoughts of homicide. Then something happened that I never imagined. Our good friend Ryan says, "We could go to wander around Ikea, if you want."

And shwish bang I had my shoes on and the car started.

Ryan hates Ikea but who am I to disagree when his head injury flares up and his brain goes all screwy? But then we get there, I grab one of their little list things and a tiny pencil and he's all, "We're not buying anything". At which point I basically stomp away in a pout that lasts about 2 minutes, ending in me sitting on a couch saying, "This one's nice!!" and wiggling eyebrows for emphasis.

And how 'bout couches? It is my opinion that we need a couch for the basement. Our original plan was to get some sort of sofa bed or futon (blech) for down there incase we have more people staying over than can fit in the guest room. I think we've decided that, instead of doing that, we could just get a regular couch and the poor suckers who come to visit will just have to rock-paper-scissors it for the bedroom and the loser can sleep on the air matress. HA! Then Ryan goes, "What we should probably do is get new furniture for the living room and just put the stuff we already have down in the basement."

Umm.....

This is one of those times you don't want to make any sudden movements or act like what he just said was the HUGEST MOST FANTASTICAL THING ANYONE HAS EVER SAID because you don't want to scare the idea away. And he detests spending money (except on electronics, naturally) so to him I'm all, "yeah, that'd be cool" or something to that effect. But in my head I'm FREAKING OUT thinking of the possibilities. I doubt we'll get new furniture in the immediate future but, dammit, I'll be prepared when we do! Prepared with a list of choices in order of preference and color, and a bottle of tequila for Ryan.

Because he likes it. Not so I can get away with more. No. Why would you even think something like that? Jerk.

Immune System: Do Your Job

2009-04-04T12:47:00.000-07:00

...so I can go to ARTCRANK tonight! Yessir, tonight is the night I have been looking forward to since....well, since last year, I guess. But, I'm still sick. Everyone else is out having fun right now, drinking and biking, and I'm at home trying to muster up the motivation just to do my hair. So I have to drive there. What kind of asshole drives to a cycling-themed event?! I'm a jerk.

Lets talk about immune systems, though, because I should not still be sick. Mine is wimpy. Still reeling from my seven year stint as a renegade vegetarian. Also known as "junk food vegetarian". This is part of the reason I am now a meat-eating, murdering murderer. If immune systems were washing machines, yours is the Maytag front-loader in that really awesome teal color. Mine is one of those off-brand washer/dryer stacks that you find in apartment closets. Which is fine and all (at least you have one, right?), but this one is in the apartment of a lady who runs a daycare with 12 kids and it's all run down from too much use and fruit loops being shoved inside of it all day long. This is my immune system.

So excuse me while I go empty out my sinuses.

2009-03-31T15:33:00.000-07:00

Every once in awhile I have a good idea. er.....wait, let me rephrase that. Every once in awhile I steal someone else's good idea and pass it off as my own. So, for the looongest time now, Ive been looking for a spice rack (how very domestic of me, right?) to hold the 40-some spices that we have. Up until about two days ago, they were just shoved into the one overhead cabinet that we have in our kitchen, taking up valuable cupboard real estate. Why, for the love of baby jesus, can you not find a spice rack in stores that holds more than 20 spices? So, after months of searching, I found and pilfered an idea from The Traveler's Lunchbox and made the most amazing spice rack EVER!! And Ryan is now a very happy cooking chef-person. Behold:

This is composed of an antique printer's tray that we found on Ebay and tins from Specialty Bottle. This is the second tray we won on ebay. The first one had compartments that were too small to fit the containers. I should warn you, if you decide to do something like this, expect a LOT of waiting and searching for the right printer's tray. I almost gave up on the idea when we finally found one that has 44 squares that are all the same size.

See? I can be crafty.

Losing My Will to Live

2009-03-31T10:22:00.000-07:00

This was dinner for me last night. Giant chocolate shake, apples and caramel, vitamin water and medicine. I seem to have come down with something unpleasant. Ryan had a biopsy yesterday at my hospital and I had to drive him home so my boss just told me to take the rest of the day off since we weren't busy and it was all downhill from there. Damn, what a whiner! Ryan goes through a biopsy (without anesthesia because he wants to go back to work. (Hot)) and I'm all "I have the flu! Waaaa! Feel bad for me."

I'm like Nancy Kerrigan, "Whyyyyyy? Whyyyyyeeeee?"

At least I can finally catch "Going Postal: 15 Most Shocking Acts of Violence" on the E Channel! Yessss! *Air grab*

Capital S Oh Yes I'm Fresh

2009-03-29T18:20:00.000-07:00

Check out my new......

.... Apron!
Ok, technically, I've had it for a little while now but...it's still new to me. Especially since the only time I wear it is to watch Ryan cook because disasters happen pretty much any time I even think about turning on the oven. Let me present to you Exhibit A:

Yes, that's Ryan fixing the sink after it EXPLODED because I put too much crap in it that got shoved down the garbage disposal. This happened during my attempt at a Root Vegetable something-or-other. Was it worth the three hours in the kitchen and the mess of food and water all over the floor? Not at all. The silver lining in this cloud is that, while it tasted really bad, it was probably not the worst thing I've ever made Ryan eat. (But, do you like the new kitchen rugs? I mean, if they didn't have shredded up nastiness all over them?)

Speaking of the kitchen....it's almost done!!! There's just one more thing that needs to be done and then I will have pictures up. I won't tell you what that one last thing is but I can say that it involves this:

...and it is going to be AWESOME!!!

Whatever Happened to Santino Rice?

2009-03-06T15:04:00.000-08:00

Remember? From Project Runway season 2? Seems he's a judge on RuPaul's Drag Race! *Disclaimer* I wouldn't open this link at work (or if you are my parents). Have you ever seen this show? I was uh, flipping, yeah....flipping channels and came across this contest of drag queens. I only managed to catch the end of an episode where it was elimination time and, in order to decide who got to stay, there was a (and I'm NOT joking here) LIP SYNC-OFF!! Complete with giant fake eyelashes! And wigs being thrown around! And our good friend, Santino, as one of the judges. Spoiler alert: a drag queen named Ongina was eliminated for, apparantly, not giving such a stellar lip-synced version of Britney Spears' "Stronger".

I swear, I'm not making this stuff up. Not a great way to advance a serious career in fashion design, Santino.

2009-02-24T20:13:00.000-08:00

Yes to Carrots C Loves Your Hair Pampering Carrot Juice Shampoo

BEST

SHAMPOO

EVER.

End Transmission.

2009-02-15T12:48:00.000-08:00

Valentine's day is not our holiday. In fact, of the seven years (good god!) that Ryan and I have been together, I don't think we've ever actually done anything for Valentine's Day. Ever. This year, though, I was determined (DETERMINED!!) to completely blow his mind with my culinary skills. Now, I'd first like to bring you back to last year when I also tried to blow his mind in much the same way. I tried to make sugar cookies. Tried. They came out of the oven so hard and inedible, I almost hung up my spatula for good, resigning myself to the fact that Ryan is better than me at so many damn things and cooking would just have to be another one of them. Seriously, I can't stress to you how horribly they came out. I think the only way for these god forsaken things to be ingested would be for someone to smash them into a powder with a hammer and snort them. It was that bad.

So this year, I tried for the holy grail of desserts (in Ryan's mind): The Cheesecake. And not just any cheesecake, noooo, this was my mom's cheesecake. My mom is my ultimate cooking idol. She can take a pound of dirt, a piece of drift wood, and some oregano and turn it into something edible. But when it comes to making desserts of the cake variety, there is none better. So I got her recipe and decided to surprise Ryan with it this year along with some of my own raspberry sauce that I may or may not have stolen from Martha Stewart. I managed to keep this little plot pretty top secret too (for awhile)! I had this whole plan to present it to him after dinner on Saturday so I finished the sauce, walked out into the living room and, instead of saying, "are you ready for your surprise now?" I said, "Is it cheesecake time yet?" Ryan looks at me and says, "what?"

DOH!

How unceremonious! All the planning! And the secrets! And then I just go and blurt it out like that. I might as well have just said, "It's in the refrigerator. Go get it yourself. And can you get me a beer while you're at it?"

*pats self on back*

step one

step two

step yum. I mean three.

Rookie Mistakes

2009-02-06T19:12:00.000-08:00

Let the touch-ups begin.

UUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! *Rips hair out* This is the trim in our kitchen. (Side note: I know it looks like we painted the walls navy blue but I assure you, we didn't. The color is actually a deep teal- Behr "Peacock Tail" although, this link doesn't do the color any justice because it's actually a really fantastically beautiful color that you will never find an accurate photo of. I'll try and give you an idea of how awesome it is. Close your eyes and imagine heaven if heaven were made of cake. And not some crappy sheet cake they're giving away free at work. No, this is the best cake EVER that your mom made just for you. And your brothers and sisters don't get to have any unless you say they can. But you don't let them because they weren't nice to you so you tell them they have to eat dirt pies instead. And your mom? She makes them do it! And you eat the whole cake! Without getting fat! That's how much I love this color.)

Aaanywho, back to the trim. I have tried every damn trick in the book to avoid mistakes like these. I've tried taping...it rips the rest of the paint off the walls. The above picture is the result of using one of those spackling dealy-bobs and that obviously, didn't work. So I tried just taking my time and doing it really slowly but I lack any sort of ability to hold my hands steady. Seriously, ask my mom. I visited the fam this Christmas in Colorado and we went to this shooting range (oh, did you know? I totally shot things! With a GUN!) and my mom was all, "um...are you coming down off of crack or something?" because my arms sway all over the place. (ok, she didn't actually say that, but I bet she was thinking it. It's probably a little unsettling to see someone who can't control their limbs holding a deadly weapon.) So I decided to go back to the taping method and just use a small, artist's size paint brush to do touch-ups.

I do not recommend this method.

Next time, on "Rookie Mistakes" : How Ryan made me so mad I almost left him at the Home Depot.

West Elm Wish List

2009-02-03T16:38:00.000-08:00

Wood Grain Rug in green for the living room.

Curved Cut or Patterned-Sphere Table Lamps
for the bedroom.

Pin-tuck duvet cover for when we don't have cats.

Ceramic Elephant for Stevie's new basement (because NOT having this in her house would be a travesty.)

Metallic Flower Mirror

Ceramic Solstice Hurricanes

Had to get this one down on record...

2009-01-31T18:12:00.000-08:00

A little bit of back story: Sometimes I wear my hair in pigtails and I usually have Ryan check them to make sure they're even and straight. Since I have shorter hair now, there's always a little piece right in the middle that doesn't quite fit into the hair ties.

Actual conversation between Ryan and me:

Me: "Ryan, can you check my pigtails?"

Ryan: "They're lovely."

Me: "Are you sure they don't look weird with the little piece in the middle just hanging there?"

Ryan: "No. It looks fine. It looks like it could be another pigtail. Just put another little band around it."

2009-01-30T19:34:00.001-08:00

Chunky Wood Floor Mirror
$399 from West Elm

Mongstad Mirror
$99 from Ikea

Now, I'm not no kinda dang rocket surgeon or nuthin' but.......

I love West Elm. No, I looooooove West Elm (even though I have yet to visit their newly opened store in Edina. But that's neither here nor there.), but I could probably never justify spending that kind of money on a mirror when you can get, basically, the same thing for a LOT cheaper at the Blue Box. I'm not saying we should all go out and buy the cheapest, most janky (yeah, janky!) version of everything but it's a MIRROR! A mirror that I really really really want, yes. But a mirror just the same.

*note to Ryan: calm down, special friend, I won't buy either mirror. Today. (heh)

Gag me with a spoon

2009-01-30T15:23:00.000-08:00

Not many things elicit such a throwback response from me as "gag me with a spoon". One thing that does, however?

Ray Lamontagne. UGH! GAG ME WITH A SPOOOON!! His music is an exercise in douche baggery. Even his name is slightly douchey. Ray La-mon-taaaagne. *shudders* I was unfortunate enough to catch him on The Current today not once but TWICE! On the way to work and on the way home. Why do I even listen to that station anymore? It's MPR's attempt at being all hip and sticking it to the man with its "eclectic" taste.

Pffft. Sister please.

Worry not, Ray-mates, (see what I just did there? Like Clay-mates! You know, the fans of that other D-bag, Clay Aiken! One clever point for me, please.) Ray doesn't need me as a fan. There's a huge market for his kind of music. Like, for instance, the nerdy-on-purpose college set who need something else to drag their boyfriends to besides a John Mayer concert. (Especially since Johnny can't seem to keep his mouth shut about his personal life and wants to constantly yap about his girlfriend (and my personal hair and abs idol), Jennifer Aniston. Who wants to go to a show and listen to that crap for an hour?) Every time I hear his music my eyes roll completely back into my head to ask my brain ,"what, for the love of baby jesus, is going on out there?!" I'm not even the hearing body part and I know something ain't right!" Then my brain's all "It's that damn Ray Lamontage song again. You can hang out back here with me until it's over". Then I can't see, I crash my car, and I die. The End.

Thank you Ray. You SUCK!

2009-01-24T17:54:00.000-08:00

I got the Solyx window film (partially) put up today! I think it'll look awesome when it's done.

The process wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be. Mistakes and uneven edges don't show horribly. (That was NOT an invitation for you to inspect my windows. Please admire from afar.) I think the opaque-ness is such that people shouldn't be able to see in, too! My only complaint is that they shorted me on the measurements a little (maybe half a inch). I guess that small amount wouldn't have helped me at all, but it might be a problem to someone who has a window that's exactly 12". Now, for my only problem....I'm not sure if I should cover the top window or just the remaining pane in the bottom window. I definitely have to order another roll to cover that last pane (you totally thought I just forgot that one, didn't you. Silly rabbit.) But if I want to cover the top one, I'd have to order two more rolls. When someone is in the bathroom, you can't see them through the top window because that bathroom isn't right at ground level. Well, I guess maybe you could if you were standing right up next to the window. And you were tall. Or short and wearing stilts. Opinions anyone? Would it look better with the whole thing covered? I kind of think so.

Na na na na....na na na na

2009-01-20T20:18:00.000-08:00

Hey Hey Hey

Goodbye.

I didn't get to watch the inauguration today. Not a single clip of it. (Damn you, job! Wait! I didn't mean that! I want to keep my job! I swear!) I saved the newspaper though. I think, regardless of anyone's political views, today was kind of exciting. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not exactly Obama's biggest fan. I agree with a lot of what he has to say but there are, to be sure, other candidates that I would have preferred to see in office *cough* Nader *cough* (Oh, pipe down. I never voted for Nader. But I wanted to so badly! And I would have, had I known that Obama was going to sweep this election. I'm sorry! I can't help my bleeding heart!) However, I do respect his ability to make people care about politics. People who never did in the past, no matter how he made them vote. I'm not looking for a country that thinks like me. I'm looking for a country that thinks. (Although, you can TOTALLY think like me if you want. Then we can move on to discussing the good stuff. Like how smart we are. And pretty.) It'll be interesting to see what happens in the coming months. I'm trying to be positive about his ability to right this mess we're in, but the latest round of layoffs at my job have me worried.

S.O.S

Done! (for now)

2009-01-18T14:39:00.000-08:00

Before.
I'm not sure what color this is. Gray, purple, or brown depending on the time of day.

after
(more pictures here)

I've finally finished the living room. Ok, not completely. But it's about as done as it's going to get for now. I have a whole lotta house to get to! There are some things that I still want to do (new rug, address the bareness of the walls, different window treatments) but it's to a point now that I don't feel like I'm living at someone else's house. The windows in this room are pretty awesome. They go down to about a foot off of the floor, though you can't tell it because the couches are covering the bottom quarter of each of them. The layout is kind of strange. See? now I want to rearrange everything!

Onward and upward. Next stop: my arch nemesis: the kitchen! (boo hiss) If you know anyone who loves to paint trim, they're more than welcome to stop by. There's even a high five in it for them!

2009-01-18T12:17:00.000-08:00

Fab Colorblock Dress $13.50

EEP! I just ordered this dress from forever 21. I don't often shop there because I'm not one of those people who likes to hunt through rows and rows of crap to find something worth buying. I also don't usually buy clothes online because I'm SO hard to fit (chest and waist of a 13 year old boy, catholic birthing hips) that I like to try things on before I buy them. However, today is a snowy day and, if I wanted to go pick this up from the store, I'd have to drive to either the Mall of America (shudder) or Maplewood waaaaaaay up in the northeast suburbs. I have my doubts that it'll fit, even though it is just a simple jersey dress, but I'll be crossing my fingers until it arrives. (Hello, boss? Yeah, I can't come in to work today. No, I'm not sick. My fingers have to stay crossed and I don't think I can do my job with them like that.) Plus, look at that price! Can't beat that with a stick.

please fit
please fit
please fit

To avoid wandering eyes

2009-01-17T16:49:00.000-08:00

Emma Jeffs window film. $76

Solyx window film $12.95

I've been looking for something to replace the ugly blinds in the main bathroom. I have myself convinced that, even though the blinds are down, there are STILL people outside trying to peek in. (uh....crazy!) So, these are the results of my search. I ended up ordering the Solyx. I really really really wanted the Emma Jeffs but, at that price, I just couldn't justify it. Also, the window is made up of 12 small panes (6 on top, 6 on bottom) instead of one big one and I didn't think that one would look as great with the pattern all chopped up. I am a little worried that the Solyx won't be private enough but.....I guess we'll just have to wait and see. I may just end up getting something else entirely (a roller shade maybe?)

New kid at school

2009-01-17T15:43:00.000-08:00

"Even after all that rushing around, where we've ended up is the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. And maybe knowing isn't the point. Where we're standing right now, in the ruins in the dark, what we build could be anything."

Who quotes Chuck Palahniuk and thinks it's profound?! Only me.

Well, hello there. My name is Patricia.
Yes, I AM new to the blog bandwagon.
Yeah, my cats got me into it. They have a couple of their own.
Crowded in here, isn't it?

What should you know about me? Nothing! It's best to be mysterious. Keep them guessing, no?
What's this all about? Me (obviously. I wouldn't write a blog about you), my very first house in the frozen tundra that is Minneapolis, and all the hilarity (for you) and misfortune (for me) that ensues.

*note to the family: I will try to keep the swearing to an absolute minimum. No guarantees though.